


Comedy Legend

by wickedradical



Series: -1000 Word Homestuck Drabbles [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alpha John pov, Happy 4/13! (Homestuck), alpha john and jades story is so interesting okay i wish they went more in depth there, cheesy kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 15:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10620045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedradical/pseuds/wickedradical
Summary: Jade spent all her time hating the cruel Baroness, but you always turned your attention to your far more admirable guardian- even if he was already long gone.





	

You’d heard the stories about the infamous Colonel Sassacre.

What a good comedian, they’d say! What a wonderful man, so lucky to be married to the owner of a bustling confection corporation. What a shame his life had been taken so soon.

You stared at his stuffed corpse, standing upright in the living room. He looked lifelike, but posed far too stiffly to truly be alive. It was honestly unnerving, but you’d never admit that to your sister.

Jade teased you often, but you two were truly trouble when your pranking abilities were combined. Not that the girl was particularly wonderful at tricks- But with a grudge against your adoptive mother, she could do anything if she put her mind to it.

You honestly didn’t see what was so bad about the Baroness! Sure she was mean and did tons of weird experiments, but isn’t that what all aliens were like? Jade despised her with a passion however, and try as you might, you couldn’t blame her.

The Baroness had ruthlessly killed her pet dog. Well, the white shepherd had belonged to the _both_ of you technically, but still. That dog had taken more of a liking to your sister than to you. Not that you minded really- You would never admit you were jealous, because you _weren’t_.

The dog had been a guardian of sorts, as strange as it sounded. And not guardian like guard _dog_ , but guardian like a _parent_. Sassacre died in a mysterious meteor explosion apparently, one that sparked several overblown newspaper articles.

You’d pored over the few scraps you could find one night and found that he had died around the same time as the meteors had hit. Coincidence? You weren’t sure, but your sister had told you one day that it was useless to wonder about things like that since he was already long dead.

So you’d shoved the scraps away, even if you couldn’t stand to get rid of them. Come on, Sassacre was such an interesting guy! If he could handle being happily married to that witch of a woman and _still_ write such wonderful comedy books, you thought he was well worth your time!

Besides, if he hadn’t been killed off some suspiciously close to your birthday, you would’ve been raised by him! You thought the least you could do was carry along his legacy by walking along in his footsteps.

You just had to watch out for the cleverly placed banana peels, haha.

**Author's Note:**

> happy homosucc  
> 413 words lmao


End file.
